As it turns out, playing guitar is the only requirement for a stranger to get directions to our house. It's that easy.

Oh, man.

So Tony and Beard wanted to buy microphones for their computers. For World of Warcraft. Plus they were going to the grocery store. So I went along because I needed groceries.

We were headed to the Best Buy near the Dayton Mall, and we decided to find somewhere to eat dinner. I voted for a tiny Mexican place called "La Pinata." No, I'm not missing the ~ (tilde), the sign didn't have one.

But while we were driving through the parking lot, Beard and Tony voted for "Taste of the Mediterranean," a Lebanese restaurant. So we went in.

We were the only patrons at the time except for three little girls who, as it turned out, were a daughter of one of the chefs and her friends.

For some reason Tony recommended we get a meal for four, even though there were three of us. This resulted in about 10,000,000 pounds of meat being slapped on our table. It was pretty disgusting.

While we were eating we met Akram.

He was one of the chefs, and he encouraged us several times to finish all the food. We couldn't quite do it, but he was getting all excited about it.

As we were trying, he was sitting across the room eating something. Mouth very full, he said, "Hey, do you guys play music, man?"

Please keep in mind this guy is 35 at least, graying, a little leering, and a stranger.

But we said yes. Tony plays guitar, I play drums. In our garage? No, in our basement. Really? Yes, really. What are we into? Well, rock, indie, I guess. One of his favorite bands is Radiohead. He also really likes Led Zeppelin (I'm wearing a Zeppelin sweatshirt). Yeah, see, he plays guitar. He plays Led Zeppelin "Middle-eastern style, man." How often do we play? Umm, like once a month, I guess. He's been playing for three years, and he really wants someone to play with. Oh. We see. Well...here Tony and I are glancing at each other...we really aren't busy tonight. What? Are we serious? Sure, we're serious. He gets off at 9:30 or 10:00. Can we give him directions to our house? Yes, we can. Should he bring an amp? No, we have one. Okay, so he'll just bring his guitar and "the goodies." Uhh, right. Your guitar.

He commands our server to give us 10% off and we depart, him grinning excitedly.

Best Buy and Kroger were pretty uneventful compared to that. We are alternately laughing about this and debating what "goodies" might mean.

An hour before he comes, Tony considers calling it off. We could look up Taste of the Mediterranean in the phone book, call, let Akram (American name Adam, he told us at the restaurant) know something came up. But we don't. And he calls at 9:30 and says he'll be here soon.

So he gets here, and he's got a fairly new off-brand Stratocaster, and we head to the basement.

He is not bad. He can play some crazy Middle-eastern-sounding lead stuff--no bends, not exactly shredding, but pretty cool. He sits in a chair rather than use the guitar strap we offer him. Every ten minutes or so, he lifts his head up and lets loose a loud, sustained "WHOOOOOO!!!!" I imagine he learned that in the "jazz fusion" he praises so much.

Midway through, we take a break and he smokes a cigarette in our basement. This allows him time for a ten-minute rant that alternates between slightly disparaging America and unreservedly praising Arab culture. Man, that's cool. I wouldn't know, so I'll believe him, sure. Go Middle East.

Then we get back to the rocking. He plays two Zeppelin songs--"Achilles' Last Stand," which I feel really bad for not knowing, and the painful "Since I've Been Loving You," which I play along with out of politeness. Jason and Beard are in attendance part of the time. Then, bam, it's midnight, and we send him off. He says "Next week?" and Tony and I put that to rest quickly. We get his number. We're pretty busy, bud. We'll call you, Akram.

Sadly, Teresa could not attend. She was watching Brokeback Mountain with Anne and, I imagine, pretending at least slightly to be a lesbian. Without having seen Brokeback Mountain, I am sure she spent her time better than listening to us. Alyssa, Ken, Valerie and Johnny also arrived after Akram left. They got to hear Ken, Tony and I rock, although Tony and I were tired at that point.

So:

Akram (guitar):
Advantages: He is a stranger, if that's an advantage; extremely excited; his "WOOOOO"s were occasionally hilarious; he offered us free meals once a month if we rock afterwards; he could play pretty competently.

Disadvantages: 40+, as it turns out; he is a stranger; anti-American rants could potentially get old (if he ever comes back); didn't come through with "the goodies" (I am joking, that's an advantage); probably way too excited about playing with us.

Grade: C.

Summary: Akram is probably best summarized by Walt Kolis, who didn't hear Akram play and didn't meet him. But, according to Jason, Walt said something like this when discussing whether Akram would come back:
"Doesn't this guy realize that Tony and Steve only had him over so that later they could say he came over?"
Exactly, Walt. The value of saying it happened is probably way greater than the experience itself.

That's all, friends. Next time: Who knows!

Love,

Steve