Breaking news!! Zeppelin releases new album!!

Album: Led Zeppelin III (1970)

Artist: Led Zeppelin

Label: Atlantic/Wea







Okay, here's what you should know about the Zep: they are just another classic rock band.

Some people believe these guys are gods. Some people would tell you they can do no wrong. I admit I come close to this perspective sometimes, both about Zeppelin and more modern bands. I think the most common "sacred cow" is the Beatles, who were, again, just another rock band.

But I will say this: member for member, Zep is the best band I know. More on that in a minute.

First, let me explain why I chose Zeppelin III in particular.

Zep formed in the late '60s. Jimmy Page, the guitarist, was already famous for his work with the Yardbirds, who he joined in 1967 (just so you know, I'm looking all this up. I don't know all this shit.). While recording with the Yardbirds, Page met bassist John Paul Jones, then a session musician. After the Yardbirds fell apart, Page heard about singer Robert Plant, and asked him to join the group. Lastly, Plant suggested John Bonham as a drummer.

The band was "the New Yardbirds" for a while until, according to legend, The Who drummer Keith Moon said they would sink like a lead zeppelin. The band purposely misspelled "lead" as "led" so that Americans would know not to say "lead zeppelin" like "lead singer."

Anyway, Zep recorded its first album, then toured like mad. They were huge, and the blues/rock/distortion on the first album was popular. So they recorded their second album, Zeppelin II, while on tour. It was also amazing.

And then came III. This one was recorded in the Welsh countryside, not big-city studios in England and America. And it came out just a little bit different from the others. To many fans, it was a disappointment. It's more acoustic, quiet, and generally a little less rocking than the first two.

To sum up: it's the best test available to see whether Zep really are gods.

So, as I said, member by member, the Zep is the greatest. Here, look:

John Bonham (drums): You could say the whole band rests on Bonham. His drums are magical. He plays louder and harder than anyone ever. He's scary. His sense of timing and dynamics are amazing. Sadly, on this album, he doesn't quite get the chance to go wild like he does on some others, but he's still just incredible.

Jimmy Page (guitar): You could say the whole band rests on Page. He is easily one of the best ten rock guitarists ever. Things just seem to flow from the guitar uncontrollably. The songs sometimes sound so easy, but that's part of his skill. I usually find blues very very boring, but Page can at least keep my attention for a while.

John Paul Jones (bass): You could say the whole band rests on Jones. While I've heard praise from others for Page and Bonham, Jones makes me want to listen to Zep over and over. It's not on Zeppelin III, but the song "Ramble On," from Zeppelin II, has bass to die for. I truly pity people who can't see a difference between bass and guitar. Jones is a master.

Robert Plant (vocals): You could say Plant is along for the ride. At least, that's how I see it. I remember reading articles that said many people criticized Page for getting Plant, because they thought he was too effeminate and whiny to rock. I don't really care. To me, vocals are either terrible or adequate. I rarely think the singing is very good, as long as it's passable. I would say at times on this album, it's obvious Plant is just along for the ride, especially "Gallows Pole."

So there's the band. Now here are the songs.

"Immigrant Song": No doubt the most famous song on the album. Everyone knows it. Not everyone knows the lyrics, which aren't exactly about immigrants.

I'm sorry, but when I think of immigrants, I generally think of sooty New York with Italians and Eastern Europeans climbing out of boats wearing black coats and hats. Not Nordic warriors beating the shit out of Britons. But hey, that's me.

This song just pounds away. It really is a lie to open with this song. You would expect rhythmic rock with little intricate guitar work. You'd be wrong. Also, at 2:25, it gets in and out pretty darn quickly.

"Friends": This song initiates the slightly depressing, menacing tone of the album. That is, if "Immigrant Song" didn't do that.

For such a pleasant title, the guitar intro is pretty dark. The bass sort of hums along, barely registering, but pretty damn creepy.

Page doesn't help any when he wails away with his trademark sound. This song features a very informative chorus:

Mmm, I'm telling you now,
the greatest thing
you ever can do now
is trade a smile with someone who's blue now
It's very easy just...

Right. Got it.

But the song isn't really depressing or boring. Somehow, it makes you bob along. I think it's the nearly-silly bongo drum part. Or the almost-arhythmic guitar strum pattern surrounding the second chorus. My one criticism of this song is that it never really seems to take off. I start getting excited about it, thinking it's going somewhere, and it ends. Bah.

"Celebration Day": Maybe it doesn't end. Maybe if I was listening to this on a record, I would realize it culminates in "Celebration Day." Because if so, it's a nice little trick.

"Celebration Day" starts with a blues guitar part that just gets me excited. There, I admit it, this blues riff is cool. Probably because it rocks so hard.

And Plant is at his best. Muttering, wailing, a little pretty and a little insane-sounding.

At 1:00, I think this is probably the best music I've ever heard. I just love picking out each instrument and marveling at it for a little bit. I wonder if Zep would let me join the band.

No idea what this song is about, though. But it's really cool.

"Since I've Been Loving You": So what does Zep do with all that praise I just gave them for that last song?

Gladly throw it away with "Since I've Been Loving You," which I really believe is a slap in the face to the listener.

Now, my brother Joe has defended this song on multiple occasions, so I won't tear into it too badly. But this is the sort of blues I really believe ruin life. I think it's pretentious, boring and unnecessary.

But I listened all the way though it, maybe for the first time ever.

As the title might tell you, it's really just another damn blues song about loving a girl. Let me prove it with the finest line in all of music: "Everybody trying to tell me that you didn't mean me no good." How DELIGHTFUL! Now THAT'S what I'm dying to hear! Thanks, Robert!

Also, during this song Plant repeatedly informs us he has been "Working from seven to eleven every night." This is, in fact, the first line of the song. I have to wonder. Does he mean 7 p.m. to 11 p.m.? Because this would make him the biggest goddamn whiner in the world. Or does he mean 7 a.m. to 11 p.m.? Because this would make him an absolute hardass.

Here's something funny that we encounter at 5:50 of this 7:22 song: Plant says when he opens his front door, he hears his back door slam. This suggests, of course, that somebody--who has just completed the act of sexual intercourse with his partner--is exiting the house. But then he says "You must have one of them new-fangled back door men," which I take as a reference to the song "Whole Lotta Love" on Zeppelin II, in which Plant says, "I wanna be your back door man." Now that's funny self-reference.

But the song sucks.

"Out on the Tiles": Okay. Back to the rocking.

And rock they do. It's one of those Zeppelin blues-based riffs that I love to listen to over and over. The part I love is that they leave about half a measure open, with no guitar or bass playing.

This is a good chance for John Bonham to prove he dominates the drums. I really think Bonham is the best rock drummer in history. The way he plays is just frightening.

And while this one can get a little repetitive, I like it a lot. One other problem is that I think it gets pretty weak toward the end. It just doesn't move very quickly. This is not something Zeppelin of Zeppelin II would allow to happen.

"Gallows Pole": I tend to think of this as the centerpeice of the album. It's scary.

The song is about a man being hanged, begging the hangman for mercy. He offers him gold and silver that his brother brought, then he offers his sister. Then he gets hanged. Crazy stuff.

First a verse addresses the hangman, telling him to wait. Then a response verse, from the perspective of a friend, then the brother, then the sister, tells the condemned they are trying to help him from being hanged. Then, in the last verse, the hangman decides to go through with it.

And the instruments have this sort of grand feel that I love.

The drum entrance, especially, I think is compelling.

This song cannot fail. If every song was "Gallows Pole," we might be a little more depressed, but music would be beautiful.

"Tangerine": Fuck you, Zeppelin. Honestly.

I don't know, maybe it's me. Maybe I don't have the attention span for something like "Tangerine."

But it just doesn't do it for me. They get me all fired up with "Gallows Pole," and I think maybe they are gods. Then they deliver something like "Tangerine," and I think they're wasting my time.

The lyrics are sappy as hell. The instruments are weak at best. The vocals take over, and they are painfully doubled through the chorus.

What do I mean "sappy"?

Tangerine, tangerine
living reflection from a dream
I was her love, she was my queen
and now a thousand years between.

The only thing that makes me forgive this song is that I imagine Zep looked back at the album, with its "Gallows Pole" and "Celebration Day," and decided it would be too depressing and needed some sappy shit.

Page tries to save this song with a solo, but it's not possible. Just forget it.

"That's the Way": This song threatens more of the same. Plant whines away some lame verse about nothing, and the guitar is happy to strum along mindlessly.

Then it starts looking up. And by that I mean the introduction of a nice little chord change and a change in Plant's vocals as they slip into the chorus that don't quite start the rocking, but spice up the song.

This one isn't as bad as some. It's not anything to get excited about, certainly, but it at least works well. It's more mellow than I'd like, but it's still nice.

"Bron-Y-Aur Stomp": Bron-Y-Aur is the place in Wales that Zep recorded this album, which explains the title.

I like this song a lot. I mean, it's acoustic, it doesn't rock, but it's very, very cool.

It features the first known recording of what would become the techno beat. Doof doof doof doof doof doof doof.

And dammit, it's a song about a dog. How awesome is that?

It has a wonderful guitar intro--in fact, the guitar is great through the whole song. The guitar breakdown is equally badass.

And vocals are very good Plant--here moaning, there wailing, never really doing any proper singing, but always cool.

And handclaps! Come on, people!

"Hats Off to (Roy) Harper": The home stretch.

This song purposely has a sort of backalley Delta blues feeling.

Plant is up and down and up and down while Jimmy Page plays some kind of slide insanity riff.

Lyrically, this song is a bit disturbing. Lyrics sometimes aren't that important to Zep songs, since it's not always easy to figure out what Plant is saying. But looking them up, I see a line like

Well I ain't no monkey. I can't climb no tree,
No brown skin woman gonna make no monkey out of me

and I get a little disturbed. I do sort of wonder just what he's talking about. Wait, I mean what the FUCK he's talking about.

I mean, later, when Plant threatens to kill his woman, I'm not so taken aback. That's typical blues fare there. But I must say I don't forgive the monkey line so easily.

So this song gets a big thumbs down. And if you think I shouldn't judge it strictly by the vocals, consider this: they leave John Bonham out of the closer. Bastards.

So:

Grade: C.

Summary: Sorry, Zep. It pains me to give you that. But I can't in good conscience recommend half the songs on this album--or less--and then turn and give you an A or a B. You just didn't have your shit together on this one.

The instruments are still wonderful, the vocals are still passable with their moments of glory, but you can do much, much better if you're looking for Zep. Houses of the Holy, Zeppelin II, BBC Sessions, even Zeppelin IV are preferable.

Sounds like: do I have to describe Zeppelin? They sound like music should. The Who, but harder. Just wonderful.

Track listing:

1. Immigrant Song
2. Friends
3. Celebration Day
4. Since I've Been Loving You
5. Out on the Tiles
6. Gallows Pole
7. Tangerine
8. That's the Way
9. Bron-Y-Aur Stomp
10. Hats Off to (Roy) Harper

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