Black power! Black power! Black power!

Bad news for some people out there--especially my roommates. Saturday is already sold out for UD Monologues. Sorry. I didn't expect it to fill up.

Which means either start the crunk for Beard's birthday a little late, or come Thursday at 11. But if you can't make it at all, that's okay. I won't hold it against you.

Looks like Brad, Joe and I will be playing the Battle of the Bands this year. Brad and I discussed the possibility of he and Joe writing new songs to perform for it, which I would have to learn on the fly, probably the night before. I like that idea. I'm a little tired of our old songs. Christ, they're three or four years old, or more.

I'm writing an opinion for Flyer News. I'm not sure when they'll need it, but I'm on the opinions section staff now, apparently. I'm excited.

Here's how it starts:

It can be difficult to admit you’re wrong.
But now is the time.
In fact, 141 years ago would have been the perfect time.
White people of America, it’s past time to admit that we owe black Americans for years of enslavement, followed by years of segregation and discrimination.
I feel I hardly need to prove that African-Americans are disadvantaged economically. Twenty percent are without health insurance, according to 2004 statistics, compared to 11.3 percent of non-Hispanic whites. The median income of black households, $30,134, is only 62 percent that of non-Hispanic white households, $48,977. Black households own their homes 48 percent of the time, while the rate for whites is 75.7 percent.
Critics might complain that there is no way to know that slavery is the ultimate cause of this economic disparity. I would argue that the cause is not nearly as important as the solution. Don’t you help someone up, even if you didn’t cause them to fall?
Still, for the sake of argument, let’s find out if blacks as a race had a chance to escape the disadvantages of slavery.
Following the Civil War, outright discrimination in the laws of the South prevented the political and social advancement of African-Americans.
Could African-American children hope for a fair education in segregated schools? Those that departed for the North discovered the wage slavery of factories


The purpose here is not to evoke pity for the ancestors of American blacks. The purpose is to demonstrate that black people have been continually denied opportunities since they were brought here through the trans-Atlantic slave trade.


My only regret is that reparations won’t solve the problems of poor whites, or poor members of other races. I suppose socialism can be left for another article.

Those big gaps indicate that I need to put things in there. I guess that might be obvious. Anyway, it's about 3/5 done, and I like it so far.

One day I'll get around to e-mailing Vonnegut's publishing house. I've just been...or felt...busy.

Okay that's all for today. Let me know what you think of that article.

Love,

Steve

Crazy as it sounds, I do have opinions.

Hello, friends.

Nothing to tell you today. Come to Full Circle this weekend, it should be awesome. Tonight at 11, Friday and Saturday at 8.

Here's something new: I'm considering quitting the news section of the newspaper, and writing for the opinions section. Que piensan ustedes? Leave a comment.

Love,

Steve

I have a new game that I like.

I wish I had a miniature green dragon face to depict my current mood. If I did, the dragon would likely be looking all thoughtful, and the caption under his face would say, I don't know, "thoughtful."

Or maybe it would be "really loves cookies." Because these cookies are just fucking delicious.

Here are the usual updates:

Vonnegut interview: no response. I'm going to write them an e-mail, maybe tomorrow.
Full Circle: I have lots of it memorized. I hardly needed to call for lines today.
UD Monologues: not exactly memorized. It's still in about two weeks, though.
Summer study abroad in Chile: deposit due tomorrow.
Classes: still taking a back seat.
Life lessons: piling up so fast I can hardly comprehend them.

Today I think I'm going to play a game on the blog. I'll post a picture, and you guess what word I Google-searched to get that picture. I'll use pictures only from the first page of results, and I'll only search one or maybe two closely related words. Good luck!

1.

Easy one, right? I think so.

Moving on:

2.

3.

4.

Okay, that's a really hard one. I think, at least.

One more?

5.

This game is fun.

Those desperate for the search terms I used can fucking relax. I'll post them next time I post.

Enjoy. Make your guesses as comments, please.

Love,

Steve

I wish it was a literal battle rather than a battle of musical skill. If it were, I'd choose Tony with my first pick.

Okay, I'm not quite keeping with my goal of posting every day. But not bad.

Monologue Night is now officially over. It went really well, I think. I had forgotten how much fun performing is. Or I should say "can be." I'm a fast fast dog.

I've got Full Circle pretty well memorized, I'd say, but I'm behind on UD Monologues. So it goes.

I just got an IM from my friend Mark Kannen. He sent me www.cnn.com. Word on the street is Dick Chaney just shot a guy. That makes me laugh.

The story is, they were hunting, and old Dick really wanted to bag a quail, and he shot his friend, a lawyer.

That really is a shame. I'd imagine the bird got away free, too.

In other news, I picked up an application for the UD Battle of the Bands, sponsored once again by a now-much-shittier Flyer Radio, 99.5 http://flyer-radio.udayton.edu.

The battle is organized by Keith Bange, the only bright spot at the otherwise-poopy station.

I haven't told Brad or Dominic about the possibility of playing yet. I'm assuming here that Dom is still alive. Brad, what do you think? First round is March 30 and April 1 (we only need to play one) and the finals are April 6. Applications due March 3. Sounds like it's organized a lot like last year, really.

Would we just play the same damn songs as last year? Odds seem pretty good.

And here's something to comment about: should Tony Storti and I get people together and try out for the battle? Tony was somewhat against it but didn't outright say no. I'd like to get Jason onstage with us and literally fuck around for 30 minutes. Yeah, I could do two bands. Vote now!

Love,

Steve

Maybe they got offended at the "God Bless the U.S.A." part.

Well Lucija is here to visit Jason. Then Dr. Kramb took us out to eat at Thai 9. Which was nice.

At dinner Tony challenged me to improve the blog. I imagine one post a day would be enough, right?

I mean, something somewhat long and interesting. Better than this.

I'm afraid I'll run out of things to say. I'm just not that interesting. We'll see.

Right now, I'll give you the other skit I wrote. I turned it in a little late, and they didn't take it.

Enjoy.




Welcome to Hot Topic

Tim –clean-cut all-American boy
Jacob – the ultra-quiet hipster sort, with an expensive haircut and a Starbucks tab
Hipster Girl – somewhat goth, quiet, scary
Emo Kid – a little less goth, whiny, always sad
Fred – think of Freddy from Scooby-Doo. In fact, that fits Tim as well.

Tim and Jacob are standing around onstage, separate from each other. Jacob has his back turned and is maybe folding some clothes. I don’t really care if we have any clothes or not.

Jacob is a typical hipster. He wears tight black clothes, maybe a trucker hat. On the other hand, he really loves his long, greasy black hair. Google image search “emo hair” to see what I mean.

Tim is wearing a Cosby sweater. Or maybe tie-dye. Or maybe an actual tie. Anyway, he is entirely un-goth, un-scenester, and uncool. Tim is gazing around happily.

Quietly, he starts singing the chorus of Lee Greenwood’s “God Bless the U.S.A.” (“And I’m proud to be an American, where at least I know I’m free. And I won’t forget the men who died who gave that right to me, and I’ll gladly stand up next to you and defend her still today. ‘Cause there ain’t no doubt I love this land. God bless the U.S.A.”). Jacob hears him, turns and stares. Tim doesn’t notice right away, then sees Jacob staring, slows down, and stops singing. When Jacob turns around again, Tim starts again.

While he is singing, Hipster Girl enters near Tim. She has black hair that gets in her eyes. She has a ripped-up jean jacket or zippered hooded sweatshirt on. She can’t do anything but frown.

Tim: Well hello there! (he points to his name tag) My name is Tim and I am a trainee! Welcome to Hot Topic! Fabulous weather, isn’t it? How are you today?!?

HG frowns at Tim for a minute. Jacob looks alarmed that Tim is speaking to a customer. There is a pause.

HG: I want to die.

Tim: Well now, why would you want to do that, missy? Life is so wonderful—

Jacob (heading across the stage, trying to look cool): Okay, Tim, take it easy. I’ll get this one. Why don’t you fold some Care Bears t-shirts?

Tim: Okay, great! Fabulous, Jake!

Jacob: It’s Jacob. (to HG) Welcome, goth princess. Welcome to Hot Topic, the dark, damp nether regions of the Dayton Mall. What shade of black are you looking for today?

HG: The deepest of blacks, like the scars on my soul.

Jacob: That’s over here, by the Bob Marley shirts.

Tim: Bob Marley was black!

Everyone stops.

HG: Listen, while I don’t personally know any black people, I respect them. And that offends me.

Tim (oblivious): “Get up, stand up!” Man, Bob Marley is the neatest!

Jacob: Tim, if you’re done folding Care Bears shirts, you can get to work on sorting those anarchy patches.

Tim: Amen, brother man!

Jacob and HG take one side of the stage, Tim takes the other. Jacob notices that Tim gets a customer.

Emo Kid comes in. He has shaggy black hair, a silver beaded chain, black wristbands, everything. He is as whiny, dark, and Hot-Topic-esque as possible.

Tim: Hey there, sport! Put ‘er there!

Tim reaches out to shake his hand. EK starts crying softly.

Tim: Fantastic! My name’s Tim, and I’m a trainee! Welcome to Hot Topic! How are you today?

EK: Why am I alive?

Tim: Well golly, partner, turn that frown upside-down! Boy, what you need is a great big hug from the Timinator!

Tim seizes EK and lifts him off the ground. Jacob runs over and shocks Tim with a tazer, or hits him with a baseball bat, or something, forcing Tim to the ground.

Jacob: Sorry, dude. Can I help you?

EK: Life is miserable.

Jacob (understanding): Ironic corporate logo t-shirts are near the back. Come this way.

Jacob leads EK over with HG. Tim gets up, oblivious that he got shocked/beaten.

Tim: Well fabulous! That’s just killer, guys! You enjoy your time here!

Fred enters. He is dressed like Tim.

Tim: Hello! Welcome to Hot—Fred?

Fred: Timothy!

Tim: Frederick!

They embrace and take turns lifting each other off the ground. They are giggling at each other. Behind them, the other three are visibly offended.

Tim: What are you doing here, you silly goose?

Fred: Well, golly, old bean, d’you think I’d miss your first day on the job?

Tim: Aww shucks! Now isn’t that the darndest thing!

Fred: So how’s it going, working man?

Tim suddenly becomes very serious and steps close to Fred.

Tim: Fred, I can’t stand it. These people! They’re so…so…unclean.

Fred: Tim!

Tim: I can’t help it! They’re gross and mean and dirty and (stage whisper) I don’t even think they believe in Jesus!

Fred (gasps): No!

Tim: What should I do, Fred?

Fred: Tim! Maybe we can convert them…THROUGH SONG!!

Tim: YES!

Fred: When you’re feeling low

Tim: When you’re just out of luck

Fred: When you’re getting depressed

Both: And you want to scream—

Tim: Shucks!

Both: Just smile a little and—

Jacob, EK and HG step forward and beat the two of them with fists, kicks and the baseball bat. For a very long time.

SCENE

An encore appearance.

Morning.

Just to review what's coming up and what I'm doing in each show:

This weekend: Monologue Night, directed by Joe Beumer and Matt Formanski - "After I Was Thrown in the River and Before I Drowned" by Dave Eggers.

Next weekend, Feb. 16, 17 and 18: Full Circle, directed by Nick Bays and Jessica Coyle - multiple skits, of which I wrote two.

Feb. 24, 25 and 26: UD Monologues, directed by Josh Reichardt and Leslie Singel - two monologues I wrote.

Why did I get involved in this? It takes up a lot of time.

So here's a skit that didn't get accepted for Full Circle. I personally think it's pretty funny, but I understand. The directors of Full Circle don't quite share my sense of humor.

I'll post the other skit in a few minutes. Enjoy. Oh, and Beard, the main reason I left you out is because they only have really small tables, and I thought it would get really crowded with three people.



Title: “Taste of the Mediterranean” – Note: this skit is based on real events my roommate (“Tony”) and I (“Stephanie,” har har) experienced last month. The end is fictional, though. The guy really came over and played music with us. It was kinda cool.

Two people, a woman and a man, sit at a table to one side of the stage. They are eating dinner. In their case, I don’t care if they actually have food. They should mime eating.

Across the stage, and man sits and eats something. Ideally he’s really eating something. Whatever it is, he devours it without patience or manners. When he speaks, his mouth is entirely full. He has a Middle Eastern accent.

Akram: Hey, you guys, it’s good, yes?

Here’s a note about Akram. He knows English, especially American slang, and he speaks quickly. But he has a persistent accent that could be overdone if the audience reacts well.

Both people look up and respond somewhat vaguely but politely. “Yeah, sure.” “Yes, it is.”

Akram: Okay, yeah? It’s good?

He stares expectantly at them. They hesitate because they just answered that question.

Tony: Yeah, man, it’s really good.

Akram: You like the hummus? That’s good hummus.

He gets up and walks to their table excitedly. He points at imaginary food.

Akram: You like this stuff? This took me like forever to make, so you enjoy it. (he leans in pretty close to the man, Tony) While you eat this stuff, you think about how much I worked on it, you enjoy it, okay?

Tony (nodding): Okay. Thanks a lot, man.

Akram nods and folds his arms. He doesn’t move. Tony and Stephanie attempt to eat, but both keep glancing at him. He just watches them for a minute.

Akram: Hey, do you guys play music, man? I mean like play instruments?

Tony and Stephanie immediately look at each other. Tony cocks his head a little.

Stephanie: Yeah, we do.

Akram: Man, I could just tell, you guys. I just knew it. I was sitting there eating, and I thought, you know, I bet they play music, man. They look like the kind of people that would play music.

Tony and Stephanie laugh politely.

Tony: Yeah, I play guitar, and she plays drums.

Akram: Cool, man, that’s really cool. My name is Akram (ah-krahm). You guys like play in your garage, or…?

Stephanie: Our basement, actually.

Akram: Wow, man, that’s cool. That’s cool stuff.

Pause. Akram is looking at them, a sort of pleasant expression on his face, like when someone says “Hmm?”

Stephanie (giving in): Do you play an instrument?

Akram: Oh, yeah, I play the guitar, man. Three years I’ve been playing.

Tony: That’s cool. What kind of stuff are you into?

Akram: Oh, man, I’m really into Radiohead. I love that stuff. And jazz, man. I play Led Zeppelin Middle-Eastern style.

Tony and Stephanie laugh more outright this time.

Akram: I’m always looking for someone to play with, you know, to jam with.

Akram steps back and mimics playing a guitar, including sound effects. This goes on for a while. He adds made-up lyrics and shouts things like “drum solo!!” followed by drum mouth effects.

Sample lyrics:
Akram rocks like a motherfucking beast
Like a damn dirty bomb blowin’ up the middle east
You evil Christians pray to infidel God
But if you rock with Akram you’ll survive the jihad

Long pause when he’s finished. Tony and Stephanie search for places to look besides at Akram, who again has the slight smile on.

Stephanie (clears throat): Check please.

Tony: Well, I guess we’re always looking for people to play with. I suppose you could come by sometime…

Akram: Hey, man, that’s great. You know, I get off at ten tonight, man. Can I get directions to your house?

Stephanie shrugs. She grabs a pen and a piece of paper from her purse and starts writing.

Tony: Okay, yeah. Sounds good.

Akram: You need me to bring anything?

Tony: Just a guitar, I guess.

Akram: I need to bring my guitar and the goodies?

Stephanie stops writing. She looks across the table at Tony. They look at each other for a second. Akram doesn’t really notice this.

Stephanie: Umm…

Tony: Right. Your guitar.

Stephanie: Guitar.

Akram: Hey, guys, awesome. Man, this is awesome. We’re gonna have a band! You guys are great. I’ll make up the name of the band. You guys write us some songs, man. We’re gonna be famous!

He heads offstage away from the table.

As he leaves, Stephanie calls after him.

Stephanie: Wait, could we have the check, please?

Akram doesn’t hear her. Tony and Stephanie look at each other. Tony shrugs.

They both get up and leave quickly.



Let me know what you think.

Turns out a schedule with three classes is as hard as you make it.

Sweet sassy molassy I've been busy.

And I'm going to be busy for a while longer.

Here's the story: this semester I wanted to get involved in Studio Theatre, the student-run theater group on campus. Their shows are always fun and cool to go see, and I did some stuff in high school, so why not?

So first I signed up for UD Monologues, a series of monologues written by UD students, faculty and alumni about women's issues on campus. In essence, it was created because The Vagina Monologues, which is perenially performed during Women's Week, is not welcome on campus this year.

While I think that's fucking dumb, I won't get into it now. It's being performed off-campus by an almost all-student cast, including the fabulous (yes, that's FAAA-bu-lous!!!) Teresa Arisco and a bunch of other less interesting people. It's this weekend, and maybe next weekend. I really don't know.

Anyway, I signed up for the UD Monologues, which means I need to write two monologues by the February 24-26 show dates. As of now, I'd say I've written about 1 2/3 monologues, and I'm pretty happy with them. They're both personal stories, really. One is about the cafeteria worker who I wrote about in Flyer News, and the other is about going to see The Vagina Monologues last year with Teresa's mom.

That one's funny. Hopefully.

Then Alyssa Wagner conned me into joining Monologue Night, a totally separate show put on by Studio Theatre. For this one, there's no need to write your own monologue, so I'm doing an adapted (read: painfully shortened) version of "After I Was Thrown in the River and Before I Drowned" by Dave Eggers (see post below). I love the story so much, it hurt me to cut out about 2/3 of it to make it short enough to perform.

But I still love it a lot.

I haven't quite memorized it but it's coming along pretty well. And it fucking better, since that show is February 10 and 11.

THIRD, I auditioned for "Full Circle," a collection of humorous student-written sketches notorious for its very brief preparation time. Auditions were Monday night, January 30, and the show is February 17 and 18.

I'm supposed to submit at least three sketches. Fuck fuck fuck.

To review:

Feb. 10-11: Monologue Night - "After I Was Thrown..."
Feb. 17-18: Full Circle - a bunch of sketches
Feb. 24-26: UD Monologues - two of my own monologues

I am dumb.

On the Vonnegut front: no news. And no news is bad news. I haven't received any reply yet. I'm afraid that, since the envelope had the Scholars office return address, they might get the answer. But then they'd just call or e-mail me anyway.

Oh well. I'll call or mail another letter in a few weeks if I don't hear anything.

Any other news?

Thank God, no.

Please comment and respond to this: should I post the things I write...the sketches and monologues and everything...on the blog? Or do you not care?

Love,

Steve